Princess Peach has a Pool Party!
by RonaVexx
Summary: Princess Peach is celebrating her 68th birthday party. Mario has no choice but to attend...or off with his head! What will happen to everyone's favorite Italian plumber and friends as Peach becomes senile with age?
1. Attend or DIE!

Princess Peach has a Pool Party!!

**I own nothing. Not even my own name.**

**A/N: Dedicated to J and P! And everyone else… just be forewarned… you will soon be sucked into the maaadddnesssss. Or not. The choice is yours!! Or not. Or so. I couldn't really say.**

**I also don't really like Mario. He's a fruit… but I wanted to write this anyway! Just kidding.**

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**Chapter One: Attend or DIE!**

Mario was outside raking leaves, when all of a sudden, a letter was thrown at him by a mysterious force. The letter, despite its weight and paper-thin mass, crushed into Mario's upper regions with a devastating blow. Mario fell backwards onto his freshly raked front lawn, and then ripped open the royal looking envelope in which the letter was sealed.

_Dear Mario –_

_It is I. The dearly beloved Princess who often wears Pink, and is named after a very special fruit that everyone loves. Yes. Yes, you are correct. It is I, Princess Peach. You are cordially invited to my 68__th__ birthday party! It's a pool party, of course, and I hope to see you there! _

_Princess Toadstool_

_PEACH_

"What? Princess Peach is turning 68?" Mario cried out to no one in particular. "You mean… all this time, I have been chasing after a senior citizen, who is similar to that of Joan Rivers in the amount of plastic surgery she has received?"

Mario began to rethink his current feelings on the Princess who was actually a lot older than he had ever dreamed. "No," Mario said in disbelief, continuing to talk to himself. This attracted the attention of some local citizens. They became very frightened of the schizophrenic plumber, so they ran far, far away.

As Mario watched the gap grow larger between his body and the masses of the running peoples, he grew weary and finally decided, "I will not attend the party of the Princess, for she has deceived me for far too long!" Mario fell to his knees in defeat, and hung his head low as he was quite depressed to find out that the love of his life was practically born in 200 BC, or sometime similar to that.

Mario stood up, rake in hand, and kept on performing maintenance to his front lawn.

Several minutes later, a similar face-crushing blow swept Mario off of his feet. It was another letter, enclosed in another royal looking envelope, addressed to the same dear old plumber, Mario.

_Dear Mario –_

_Again, it is I, once again, secondly, and again and again forever and ever. Yes, yours truly. The one and only Princess, of whom you adore – Princess Peach. I would just like you to know that despite my age (67 years, 11 months, 28 days, 14 hours, 3 minutes, and 6 seconds), I have never had Plastic Surger…_

At that point, Mario noticed that the penmanship of the Princess seemed to trail off, but was restored to its normal caliber, as a new sentence began;

_Sorry, Mario, dear. I just had to reattach my nose, which fell off due to complications from my last Plastic Surgery. Okay… so maybe I lied to you a teensy-weensy bit. But that cannot stand in the way of our love!_

_I must warn you Mario. If you do not show up at my pool party, for any circumstance… THEN OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! As you know, I am the Princess with a fruity name, and I can easily have you killed by a raging goomba if I so please. Now, take care, my Plumber with an Italian name!_

_Princess Toadstool_

_PEACH _

After reading the second letter, Mario feared for his life. Though he now viewed Princess Peach as a disgusting, senile creature… he would go to her horrid pool party and withstand her upsetting old age, for he was Mario! And he… had nothing else better to do that day.

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**A/N: Please do not ask. It is currently 2:38AM and I probably wrote this in ten minutes because my wish is not to sleep. Though, this story scares me a little... maybe I will call it a night now.**


	2. Dinner will be served!

**Hi. I wrote this many moons ago. It is mediocre. **

**Copyright laws restrict me from actually owning any of the characters or settings described in the following scenario.**

**I wish I owned Piranha Plants in real life. But I digress…**

**Now, I present to you, the second chapter in the fictitious romp through the preparatory process of Princess Peach's Pool Partaaaaaay- **

_**Dinner Will Be Served**_

Princess Peach strolled through her royal complex's garden. She was trying to collect her thoughts in order to plan out the biggest birthday party celebration ever held in the Mushroom Kingdom. Princess Peach had already sent out invitations, and now needed to decide where to hold the actual pool party.

Any sane and self respecting individual would immediately think - "Oh, I'm holding a POOL party, therefore the party should be located in or around the pool area."

This was not the case with Princess Peach. Whether it was due to her old age, or to her lack of intellect, the Princess was scouting out her entire castle for a pristine pool party location. The fact that the Royal Palace indeed had a luxurious pool out in the back had yet to dawn on her.

Peach thought and thought and thought. Every minute or so, she would become distracted by the appearance of one of her favorite things in the entire universe - strangely shaped clouds. At that moment, a somewhat angular and demented Rhinoceros glided overhead; anyone's attention would've been captivated by such a breath taking and puffy, white object. The Princess quickly snapped out of her observational daydream when she heard the cry of her loyal friend and mushroom, Toad.

"Princess! What are you doing out there? You know the doctor doesn't want you to exert yourself by performing any strenuous physical activity now that you're an old woman! Get inside this instant, or at least get in your damn wheelchair!" Toad demanded.

"Excuse me, you stupid man with a white table-top head? Who do you think you are, telling Princess Peach, the ruler of Hyrule Kingdom, what she should and should not be doing?" Peach screamed in the highest pitch that her vocal chords could produce.

Toad sighed, but decided to show no mercy to his dim-witted employer. "Princess Zelda is the ruler of Hyrule, and you are an utter moron, Peach. You are obviously too stupid and or old to rule MUSHROOM KINGDOM anymore."

"How dare you verbally assault me at my most vulnerable state!" Peach scolded with an air of authority. "I have just been momentarily distracted as I peered at the marvelous, vaporous visions in the heavens! The mighty clouds. They are so much more respectable than you, TOAST."

"My name is Toad, Princess Peach," corrected the mushroom man.

"Oh... I never knew our names were so similar," Princess Peach said, more to herself than to Toad. "...they are so much more respectable than you, TOAD PRINCESS PEACH!"

"No, no. My name is TOAD. Just Toad."

"...they are so much more respectable than you, Toad."

"There ya go. Much better," said Toad.

"Oh, don't try to talk your way out of this one, Toad. You have offended me more than I have ever been offended before." Peach said, warning her fungal friend of things to come, "Do you know what I do to people when they offend me so?"

Toad gulped, and did not offer an answer. For he knew what happened to those who caused offense towards the princess.

"Off with their heads!!" Peach cried in a passionate frenzy of disgust, then charged at Toad. She donned a psychotic facial expression, which chilled Toad to the bone. He shut his eyes tightly, as Peach landed a punch on his 'half man-half mushroom' face. Toad went soaring through the air, then landed amongst the various piranha-plant life growing twenty feet away around the Royal palace garden. They bit him a few times, but Piranha plants generally do not appreciate the fine taste of mushrooms.

(This is because Mushrooms and Piranha Plants are plant life, and if they eat each other it is almost

like committing the disturbing act of cannibalism, but not quite.)

There was no doubt that Toad was dead. Peach lifted the corpse of the mushroom into her fragile arms, then whisked it away to the Royal Kitchens. Princess Peach was determined to have the best 68th birthday party celebration held in the entire Universe. What better way to impress her guests than by serving some of the finest Mushroom Stew - one of the Mushroom Kingdom's best delicacies (and most readily available).


End file.
